I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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