I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
