nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
