Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
