this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
