I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
