And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
