i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
