Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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