i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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