so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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