and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
