he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
