Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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