Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She said her name was "party"
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
