I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Randomize
