i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
