I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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