Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
