Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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