I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
