I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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