walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
