Im at strip club and am horny
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
