dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
