Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
