Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Someone shit on the floor
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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