I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
