Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
