so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
