we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
you're hired as official boob wrangler
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
