you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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