Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Are my feet made of real feet?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
