I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
