I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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