She just used a chaser for red wine.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
