We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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