he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
