woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
