youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
