so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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