The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
