why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
