So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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