i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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