Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
