I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
