I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
