You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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