there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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