Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
