eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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