So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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