I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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