OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
