Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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