we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i will never coherently bang her
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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