I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
