I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
