talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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